Grooming behaviours
Groomers typically use certain patterns of behaviour to lead a child to believe that what is happening is normal, or to make the child feel trapped. The grooming relationship can move quickly from being something that seems to have positive benefits for the child to being very frightening and isolating.
Gaining trust
A groomer hides their true intentions and over time "gains the child’s trust and confidence" in order to abuse them. The child or young person is conditioned to respect, trust and love their groomer. They may not understand they are being groomed because they consider their groomer to be a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend.
The groomer may also work to gain the trust of a whole family, to allow them to be left alone with a child. If the groomer works with children, they may use similar tactics with their colleagues.
Groomers gain trust by:
- pretending to be someone they’re not, for example saying they are the same age as the child online.
- offering advice or understanding
- buying gifts
- giving the child attention
- using their professional position or reputation
- taking the child on trips, outings or holidays
Gaining power
Once they’ve established trust groomers will exploit the relationship by isolating the child from friends or family and making the child feel dependent on them. Groomers will use power and control to make a child believe they have no choice but to do what the groomer wants.
Secrets
Groomers may introduce 'secrets' as a way to control or frighten the child. Sometimes they will blackmail the child or make them feel ashamed or guilty to stop them telling anyone about the abuse.
Manipulation
Groomers use a range of strategies to entrap a child and manipulate them. They present themselves as approachable, likeable and having shared interests with the child they are targeting.
Groomers will test a child’s compliance by persuading them to carry out inappropriate or abusive activities. They use tactics such as reverse psychology (for example, "I’m not sure about this, I think you might be too young") or strategic withdrawal (such as, "It was just an idea, it’s completely up to you") which give the child the impression they are in control of the situation.